When my son was smaller, I told him that the two tablets of Tylenol I was giving him would relieve his pain. Then I warned him that taking more could be dangerous.

I recently read about a triathlete who suffered from acute kidney failure because of the profound number of red blood cells destroyed by the pounding of his feet on pavement during one of those demanding events. He required extensive dialysis; his athletic career and health have been significantly compromised.

In each case, overusing abilities–whether to relieve pain or endure with tremendous stamina–carries the risk of disaster. How is it that our greatest strengths can become our biggest weakness? What is the right dose of our best skill sets that make us look brilliant instead of ineffective, or worse, a liability?

As a coach / consultant, I serve as a thinking partner to a diverse group of progressive leaders in our community. Together, we often find strengths of character that have become weaknesses because they’ve been overused. Confidence in high-stress situations can be perceived as egotistical; a competitive nature can turn aggressive or abrasive; and thoughtful pauses can extend into indecisiveness.

Preventive medicine
Self-awareness is the best preventative medicine for maintaining strengths while avoiding the over-reliance or over-use that can turn them into a liability. There are tools available–like 360° assessments, DISC, Meyers-Briggs, Thomas-Kilmann conflict mode and many others–that help leaders gain insight about themselves, their personality preferences and natural styles. As we understand more about ourselves, we gain perspective about why some environments, situations and organizational cultures are opportunities for us to thrive, feel stifled or encounter stress. Moreover, we can begin to understand why.

Increasing self-awareness takes practice and conscious effort. Recognizing internal signals helps us evaluate how we are doing and whether our behaviors we are using are effective. For example, I know that I can be very empathetic. I value my ability to relate to others. When I don’t balance my empathy with staying true to myself, I find I build resentments inside and don’t create appropriate boundaries. Early warning signs for me that I’m headed in that direction are an increased heart rate, a subtle ache in my head and sometimes a flip in my stomach.

I do an exercise that I call “looking from the outside in.”

I very intentionally try to picture how I am acting in a specific moment and what it would look like if I were watching myself on video camera. Anticipating those situations, and applying what I’ve learned in my work, have proven very helpful in finding better outcomes and even avoiding some problems completely.

A choice
Increasing and balancing behavioral skill sets is a choice. The great news is that with increased self-awareness we can decide to work on areas that aren’t as natural, but that complement our greatest strengths. For me, once I identify those skills, I like to role-play them with my husband just to try out something new before unleashing them on an unsuspecting world.

Seriously, it’s with great satisfaction that I’ve helped myself and others determine how to maintain the behaviors that best serve a person as they learn new ways to grow, develop and increase their leadership effectiveness.

Transparency and feedback are excellent sources to ensure the health of your strengths as well as to develop new skills that keep you balanced. If you don’t have a leadership coach, I highly recommend that you find one.

Working with a leadership coach then affords you the opportunity to confide in a trusted friend, colleague or partner. It’s a chance to open up, be honest about yourself and what you’re working on, and ask for feedback. I have done this as a leader with direct reports and been amazed at their support, encouragement and investment in my success.

* * *

Jennifer Kaukeinen, RN, BS, MS-HSA  is a Senior Coach / Consultant at McArdle Ramerman. She has 25 years of experience in the clinical, operations, finance, human resources, and leadership spheres of healthcare. She holds a Master of Science, Health Systems Administration from Rochester Institute of Technology and a Bachelor of Science in Nursing from Nazareth College of Rochester. She has done post-graduate work in leadership coaching with the University of Rochester Warner Center / McArdle Ramerman Leadership Learning Collaborative. For mor about her, click here.